ONE EYE

The first thing was I smelled a smell.

The first thing was I smelled a smell. It sunk down on a lucky current and woke me up from dreaming. I was hungry I knew that. I smelled the smell and before I knewit I was turning going towards the smell. Slow because I was weak feeling and my legs were creaking with sand in my joints. The sand was soft and sticky and as I went from sleep to wake I remembered One Eye and suddenly worried there was no time to find and wake him before everyone woke up, with the smell coming closer to us everysecond. It might take too long to find One Eye dreaming in the sand I thought. Old One Eye sleeping curled tight into his dreams not listening for outsounds. I ran zigzagging left and right waving antenna hoping for something to notice One Eye. Little sniff on the current little sound of One Eye rasp as he slept. And then like happens sometimes when you really need it I found him. Just found One Eye. Ran into him. Ow Ow Ow, One Eye, It Is Me Thin Legs Heavy Brow, Wake Up, Can You Smell It, Wake Up. Wake Up. One Eye waked. One Eye felt the current over his antenna. And he knew it too. Then he begin to run, his own legs shaking out the sand and we run together, him slow and me being slow for him. All around us others were lying sitting sleeping. Still. With their legs tucked and heads tucked and curled for protection. I wanted to shout to them, Wake Up, Idiots, Can You Not Smell It, Do You Not Sense The Smell, The Smell Which We Wait For, The One That Means Food. The Big Fish Leaking, The Big Fish Dying Or Dead. Down here it is always dark. Down here it is always quiet. Except for the scrape of when the crabs climb on each other. Down here we only enjoy the smell. And some of these others were not awake to enjoy the smell.

I could tell by the smell mediumstrong in my antenna that the Food was nearly here and now was the time to be careful to be in the right place to not be pinned under the Food where we would be trapped and notmove until the time when the others had eaten enough to crawl out from underneath, like had happened to Cracked Fourth Segment. And had happened to others before her. Wait Thin Legs Heavy Brow called One Eye. I waited. One Eye faithful friend. When I hatched One Eye was already grown and missing Eye. First memory is One Eye calling me, calling Thin Legs Heavy Brow Follow, Follow One Eye, Follow For Food. And of course second memory is following One Eye's flat tail scurrying through soft sand to food, climbing onto it and inside it and eating eating eating eating eating crawling around, tucking in legs when the eels came nipping and the crabs walked spikewise without looking and enjoying the smell, learning it, basking in it, remembering it, breathing it. The Food. And afterwards as we crawled away One Eye said to me Do You Feel This Inside You Always, Thin Legs Heavy Brow, and I already knew that I would feel it inside me always and I was grateful to him for saying it because his words made it Special. And I thanked One Eye for his words. And in the week after when there was no Food and no smell and only dark sand and crawling dreaming I would try to remember the smell, to put it back in my sensor, to know it better.

I stood and wait for One Eye to catch up. Not Here I told him gently. Not Yet. We crept forward cautiously, feeling beneath our feet the sand sloping gently downwards. One Eye slowing down and nearly stopped now. Muttering quietly Sand Cliff Sand Cliff. I stepped carefully. Felt the sudden space and coldness nearby of drop down much further to ocean floor. Yes - Sand Cliff, I said to One Eye, calm to make One Eye calm. I felt carefully with antennae. Cold electricity rushing over us like a wave. The big dark cold down below and the smell and more smell of the food drifting closer but still ahead, over where the dip dropped away. Come One Eye! I shouted. We Go And Feast And We Return When We Are Able! Him crawling backwards. His old legs afraid of the cold. Don't want to get cold and run out of energy and go into long sleep. It Is Still Ahead, I called to him, Big Fish Landing More Down. We Must Go Down For Food. I stayed by the edge to show I am not afraid of the edge. Down below the crabs had already started to gather, trailing along the floor down below smelling the food. Their claws going click click. Idiot crabs. Too stupid for friendship. Too hungry for trust. When the Big Fish arrived they would be first on the body nipping grabbing squeezing. Hated crabs. Not strong enough to break Thin Legs Heavy Brow Shell but enough to frighten One Eye. I turned and look for One Eye but could not see him. One Eye! I called. One Eye! One Eye! One Eye! One Eye! And then I heard from a long way Thin Legs Heavy Brow! in the dark because walking backwards he had left the ridge. Come One Eye! He waited and listened and then said: No. Well, I said, You Will Give Me Your Share, Then, One Eye! Double Share For Thin Legs Heavy Brow! and again pause and him say quietly, Yes. Which I sighed at.

I ran ran back to him. One Eye waiting. One Eye not sulky like I worried. Worse than that. Encouraging me. Saying Go Down, Thin Legs Heavy Brow. Go Down To Eat. One Eye Will Eat Driftings. One Eye saying, in other words, that he is too old go into cold water and fight crabs. One Eye giving up on food. One Eye basically giving acceptance of getting slower and weaker until he curls up and just becomes food for crabs. No! One Eye, I shout, Angry Angry Angry! And I run around One Eye in a circle to confuse him with sand in the water around him and then, cunningly keeping my wits about where the Food will be, pushing him towards the edge of the sand cliff so he tumbles down and when he gets to the bottom can see for himself that it is safe, cold but not so cold for One Eye and Thin Legs Heavy Brow to miss out on food. I run and run but near the edge One Eye senses and flattens out, digs his legs into the sand and will not move. I run more and scrape into his shell and push angrily but he will not move and soon I have run out of energy and I stop and need to sleep. But I can't sleep. I keep moving, singing to One Eye like Please Please Please One Eye. And for a long time he says nothing. And then he says in a voice quiet and patient No Thin Legs Heavy Brow. One Eye Can Not Go Down. Scared Of Crabs. Scared For Good Eye. Scared Of Not Being Able To Walk Back Up On Old Legs. Scared Of Going Into Long Sleep In The Cold. And so I say to him of course Thin Legs Heavy Brow Will Fight Crabs And Protect One Eye, Thin Legs Heavy Brow Will Push One Eye Back Up If One Eye Gets Stuck In Sand, One Eye Will Not Get Too Cold Eating Big Fish Fat. One Eye is right there but not listening, only tucking his head down in half ball and ignoring all my good advice. I push once more against him and grunts low and says Thin Legs Heavy Brow. Just that. I stop and crawl off and then crawl back and tell One Eye, I Will Bring The Food Back To You! I shout it because it is so obvious and such a good idea. I Will Tear It Off With My Mouth And Bring It To You! I will run around as far as it takes, although none know how far it will take to run around to be up high again after being down below. Still I can't believe I haven't thought of this idea until now. I zoom around One Eye excited to infinity. Then stop. One Eye is not excited. One Eye has the same look that he had before.

One Eye! I shout. Why Do You Look This Way? And he says, Will You Bring Me Food Every Time I Must Eat. Will You Feed Me Forever? And I say, Yes. Idiot. And he says, You Will Bring Me One Bite At A Time? You Will Walk For TIdes And Tides Bringing Me A Bite? And I say Of Course - I Will - but One Eye says, And You Will Fight Away Crabs For One Bite While You Are Carrying It? and I know what he is trying to say but I have to say Yes One Eye. And he looks at me with a look that says, Thin Legs Heavy Brow, You Are Lying To Me, And Both Of Us Know It, And You Are A Kind Fool. But I Am Not A Fool. I look in One Eye's face and I know that the problem is a bigger problem than figuring out how to feed One Eye. That if One Eye has lost belief in One Eye then any Thin Legs Heavy Brow plan will not fix the problem.

Now the Food is almost here. I can hear it as I smell it, the roaring plunge of so much weight roiling and bursting as it sinks down, and I want to whimper One Eye... to One Eye but I stop myself. Now is not the time to whimper, I realise. To whimper will make One Eye feel like whimpering. One Eye, Friend, You Are Older Than Me, I want to cry; One Eye Be Brave For Yourself Now! but instead I am silent. Now it is time to be strong for One Eye. So instead I shout: Ahhhhh! I shout a wild wail and before I charge at the cliff to drift down to where the Food will land I turn to One Eye. I Will Bring It For You! I shout. The Food is here now. I can see it, grey in the gloom, plunging down towards the sand, oil and particles streaming upwards and swirling, smelling good. Smelling so good I start to lose control a little bit. Down in the gloom I see the white crabs dancing underneath the food, right underneath, claws raised aloft. Idiots. They will be crushed or mangled when it lands on top of them but they are too stupid to move or cut short their rejoicing. Behind me I feel the others run. Running, to leap, to charge past One Eye or his like for them in pursuit of the thing that we all believe that we live for. I should run as well, I think. I should run.

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Hello Infinite Gossip reader! This month I reviewed Big Time, the debut novel from Australian author Jordan Prosser, in Kill Your Darlings. A story I very much enjoyed! Check out the review and book.

I also still have copies of my limited-run Let Me Tell You About My Saab zine for sale in my online store, along with a few other cute little consumables. Check them out if you get the chance.